


And I Never Knew Where I Was Running

by fearfulofthenight (wibblywobblytimeturners)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Other, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2342036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wibblywobblytimeturners/pseuds/fearfulofthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Running away is what Clint Barton has always done best. It's not from lack of caring, but from fear of what may come. When he becomes an Avenger, it's a way of relearning his life.  It's hectic and constant and relentless, but maybe these people, this idea, are exactly what he needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Never Knew Where I Was Running

**Author's Note:**

> This is mainly cinematic universe, but with added things from the comics (Earth-616) added in.  
> Clint's childhood in the circus is referenced, and so is his current deafness.  
> Takes place sometime after the events of Captain America: the Winter Soldier.

Clint was used to being alone. It was spreading out on a bed, limbs stretching to all sides and no one to nag you to change your clothes. It was eating cheap pizza and coffee because there was no one to keep contented. Sometimes it was always having earbuds in to ward off the silence that ate away at his spirit like acid. (Even when his hearing was at its worst, he kept them in out of habit, and as a security blanket of sorts.) And sometimes it was this heaviness that pulled on his eyelids; this factor of his life that just made him  _tired._  
But, hey, it came with his line of work. And at least he didn’t have to share his potato chips with anyone.

When he moves into Avengers mansion, it’s a way of relearning his life. Like one day he woke up with a new pair of legs and had to learn to move again. Not just walk, though- dance.  
~  
He’s woken up in the mornings (or mid-afternoons, okay) and never for the same reason. It isn’t an alarm that he hits “snooze" on more times than he’d like to admit, and it isn't pulling on pants as he runs out the door to get to work. He’s used to an erratic sleep schedule from his time with SHIELD, but this is something else.

One morning it’s Tony’s screams- of fear or excitement? who the hell knows - in the distance, coupled with the Hulk’s roars that jolts him awake. He cringes at some of the crashing sounds in floors below, but then wonders what an arrow is gonna do against a green avalanche monster. And Tony can figure this out. Asshole probably deserves it, too. He lays back down with a smug and sleepy grin splitting his face.

Another evening (he’s a grown-ass man and he can sleep until 6 PM if he wants), it’s Steve saying they’re watching Star Wars Episode 5 and he knows Clint would fill him with arrow-sized holes if they let him sleep through it. (Being woken up? Sucks. But Steve’s face when Vader says “I am your father”? _Priceless._  )

After a few months, he even gets up some mornings to exercise with Steve. The guy is inspiring, and Wilson makes it worthwhile with his snide comments as Steve passes them by again. And he teaches the pair of them Dirty Fighting Tricks: Carnie Edition (Natasha has already been teaching Rogers the “Russian Ballerina-Assassin Edition"). It’s mostly ways of deceiving your enemy, but that’s the circus for you.

It’s difficult, and he’s had the urge to flee, to run away, (something he does best) but then the team always gives him a reason to stay. One specific morning when his chest burns and he doubles over from exertion while running (it’s too early for this, I’m too old for this, when did I agree to this), he notices the sky. Like gentle brush strokes forming excited flurries of pink and orange and yellow. The sky is bursting with so much light, and it reaches out to him from behind the silhouettes of skyscrapers. Man and nature colliding in the most peculiar and wonderful embrace. When had he last really just looked at the sky? Had he ever? He smiled.  
Sam is some fifteen feet ahead of him, and sensing that Clint has fallen back, turns to look at him. One look at Clint’s appreciative face, and he understands. He calls back breathlessly “Beautiful, isn’t it? Makes me wanna not just stand there. Do something, you know?”  
“Yeah,” Clint calls back lamely, because he doesn’t know what else to say.  
“Well, good. Get your ass moving!” Sam cracks a grin and takes off. Steve is a few hundred yards ahead, his figure growing smaller, and it looks like he’s chasing that sunrise.

~  
Even harder than waking up and actually living with these people is learning how to be a team. (Because inhabiting the same building and sometimes fighting apocalyptic evils together sure as shit does not make them a team. )  
It’s easy when it’s just you: no one to worry about, and no one to be accountable to. Of course, he and Nat have been working together in a relationship he...can’t really define, for years. But she’s made of similar stuff. They were both running from something (Everything? Nothing?). And they both knew when the other needed space for their own business. Being half of Strike Team Delta had been his anchor for so long, and now that they were both part of this team, part of something bigger...things had changed. They were so frequently together, they became more protective of each other. During movie nights, they’d always be curled up on the sofa together, Natasha leaning her head on his shoulder, or his head falling onto her lap, with her fingers running through his hair. Some mornings they wake up in each other’s bed, for a plethora of different reasons , and neither immediately leaves. His arm is draped across her middle, and her hand tracing patterns on his skin in the saturated morning light drifting in through the blinds. It’s unspoken, and it’s constant. And it’s what they have.  
And there’s a larger team dynamic fusing them together. There are more people they have to let in, learn how to work with, and learn how to protect.

Tony and Steve are both reckless, often jumping into situations, but with different motivation. However, Steve does make an excellent strategist. He is Captain America, after all. And he has this energy he inspires, to be true to yourself, and to act better. He...inspires courage and selflessness, and God, that sounds cheesy, but maybe living legends are a little bit cheesy.

The Hulk is...well, the Hulk. He’s a bit of a wild card, to say the least. But he’s not mindless at all. And Clint thinks he’s the only one on the team to recognize that.  
Natasha sympathizes with Banner, but she’s terrified of the Hulk, and Clint knows it. She can’t manipulate him as she’s used to doing. She can’t weave webs to entrap fragile emotion, and that makes her feel vulnerable, out of control. It’s moments when Clint sees Natasha’s fleeting moments of fear when the Hulk is raging that he thinks he truly understands her. And he sees glimpses of the little girl, all alone in the Red Room, all alone in the woods, so many years ago.  
Tony is more fascinated with the physical limitations (and lack thereof) of the Hulk, and what happens in Banner’s system during transformation. All of his inane prodding of Banner, Clint’s concluded, is his form of experimentation.  
Steve does have a level of trust with Banner, and seems to have a respect for the Hulk. But ever since SHIELD fell, and he saw that friend of his, Barnes, and what Hydra has done to him , Clint sometimes thinks he sees Steve look at Banner sadly. Something about it hit too close to him. If Clint were to wax poetic, he’d say it’s the unwilling monster inside of the man.

~

Clint notices these things because he’s an observer. He distances himself, scopes out scenes, and has a full vantage point. He needs a place sometimes (Dr. Selvig and others at SHIELD called them his “nest”, and he hopes to God that Natasha tells no one, because Tony will definitely never, ever let it go) to be able to pull back from a situation, to have that bird’s eye view (dammit) and to feel secure. And there have been so many missions where he finds a vantage point, exhales, draws his bow between nimble fingers, and -bullseye.  
But now he’s giving orders; relaying a battlefield to five others, and watching their backs. There have been more than a few times where the rest are surrounded, and then a stream of arrows just rain down on them, piercing through eye sockets and out of skulls. Once, he fired a boomerang arrow in front of him,ducked, and hit a thug that was coming up behind him, and damn he wish they’d all seen. That’s when he insists they all get cameras attached to their uniforms so they can have “battle highlights” marathons at the mansion later. Tony loves it. However, there are days none of them can take even the thought of battle without wanting to hide.  
It’s not an easy life.  
But when has it ever been an easy life? He gets bruised and breaks a few bones, but there are more laughs now, not an empty apartment. There are people he’s accountable to when he screws up, and maybe that’s a good thing. There’s a time during a firefight when Steve jumps in front of him, shielding them both from a grenade blast, and then before dashing off again, Steve clasps him on the shoulder. Natasha is brushing up on her sign language,and Bruce is learning the basics. Steve knows some himself, because apparently before he was a literal beefcake he was deaf in one ear. His language is a little botched and informal though, and it seems he and Barnes created their own damned language at times. Tony is working on cybernetic enhancements to improve his hearing, and Clint knows how much that means, even if he’s a little scared of what Tony will come up with. But the guy likes solving puzzles, and he has a good heart. He thinks they all do, maybe. And that he’s done being alone. And all that running he’s been doing his whole life...maybe it was to here. To this team.  
He brings Nat roses one day (she told him once that roses are important to her, and that maybe she’ll tell him why someday), for no specific reason. She smiles, and looks at him in the eye for what feels like days, and he smiles back, gently.

  
It’s not an easy life, no.

But it’s a  _good_  one.

**Author's Note:**

> I believe Natasha already knows a lot of sign language, both from her training, and her long history with Clint. But she works to improve it for him.
> 
> Also, the rose bit is a reference to the Black Widow comic "The Name of the Rose." If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
